Monday column: They ignore you until they need you

It is funny how friends only remember you when they need something from you while all the time they have been ignoring your messages or even calls.

I was smiling at myself this week when I received a message from a friend inviting me for her son’s wedding (malka) when all this time he showed no interest in me. When I went for a coffee later that day, the obvious explanation I came up with, gave a knock in my thoughts to offer the rationale behind his invitation. Of course, he needed people to attend the wedding of his son.

It was his son’s big day and he wanted people to rejoice the day with him. Imagine having a celebration in an empty reception hall. It is unthinkable and cruel to the memories of your son when he looks back on his wedding night years later. I am not the only one who gets ignored and I am sure it happens to a lot of people.

How long does it take to read a message? Also, how long does it take to tap an answer? The big issue I hear from people is that too many messages are popping up in their phones from their groups. It is too difficult for them to keep track. But of course, when they need something from you then they will find your messages too quickly. We usually go along with their excuses and get on with life. Personally, I don’t have a quarrel with them.

As a personal rule, I don’t take that kind of reaction personally. I guess we live in different times now when personal messages fly around in the speed of light. We don’t knock doors anymore or send invitation cards by post. We also use the spoken word as little as possible as we hurry up through life without pausing for a thoughtful word for each other.

Going back to the wedding invitation, I have every intention of attending the wedding of my friend’s son. I would not miss it just because his father does not care much about some protocols in his life. Young people need our support as they set off to the long journey of matrimony. They don’t need to be answerable to the mistakes committed by their parents.

So this week, I have started to take a stock of all the friends who responded to my messages and those who normally do not.

There are 63 in total and I would say that only a few of them do respond. But on closer scrutiny, I realize now that I have not seen them face to face with the majority of them for many years. They are all too busy with their personal and professional relationships.  

On further scrutiny, I also realise now that not many people these days have “soft skills” or “people skills” to forge good relations with others. On top of that, there are “writing skills,” too, that they must possess to communicate effectively with messages. On the other hand, they also have their own priorities in life and that does not include responding to our messages. Until, that is, when they really need you to be there for them in time of need.